Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
