I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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