My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
