'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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