After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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