i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
they're like a gay fantastic four
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
