We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
