I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
