I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
