Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
