There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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