Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
