I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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