turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
