You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
