i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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