hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just pee around me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
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