i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
