Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
