I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
