I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
