I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
