i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
