you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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