I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This baby is an asshole
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
