smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
