he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
did you just send me my own nude
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
