i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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