I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
