i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
