I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
