but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
