Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
