Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he fucked my hip out of place.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
