The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
