i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
