Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i've created a new STD.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
