Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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