my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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