i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
