My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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