I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
