it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
