just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
