yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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