god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
