i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
