oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
