but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
ttyl tear gas
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
