i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
