when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
