The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
